The Hamster From Zot

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James Bond 007 Movie Theme Music

Agent 8 is given an assignment to track a Moving company, and he finds a dark secret.

A parody of the 1960’s TV series “The Man from UNCLE”, about a secret Hamster organization, sworn to protect mankind.

At the front of a herbal Medicine store on Rehov Agrippas, in Jerusalem a Muscle Builder looking Male hamster, Secret Agent 8, enters the secret entrance of זאת headquarters.
A very sexy looking Female Hamster, Secret Agent 87, running to the elevator: “Hold”
Agent 87: “Haven’t seen you in a few 8.”
Agent 8: “Just got in from the Continent, How are you 87?”
Agent 87: “Can’t complain, 2s in a mood today.”
Agent 8: “Got Cha.”
Agent 30, Miss. Sweetums is the secretary to the Boss of ZOT.
In Agent 30’s office, Agent 8: “Hello, Miss Sweetums, I need to see 2.”
Agent 30: “Just a moment.”
“You may go in now 8.”
Agent waiting in line thinking: ‘Big Shot.’
Agent 8: “Hello Sir!”
The Boss, an ageing, overweight, Agent 2, Good to see you 8…. have a seat.”How is the Voltart investigation coming along?”
Agent 8: “Fine fine here’s the codex from the Chinese RFID chips.”
Agent 2: “I have another assignment for you.””There is a moving Company that is placing listening devises in people’s armchairs. Also… We have discovered new U.F.O.s whose base camp is over Jerusalem. This next assignment will be dangerous.”
Agent 8: “No problem.”
Later; Agent 8: “looks like we will be working together 87.’
Agent 87: “R.M.C. (Rat Moving Company) is dangerous, we’ll need a plan.”
Agent 8: “We will need disguises.”
Agents 87 & 8 are disguised as rats. Next to a R.M.C. Moving Van, Agent 8: “Wait here… I will try to ask where the warehouse is… I speak rat.”
Agent 8 to Rat Mover: “I’m looking for a job with Rat Moving Company.”Rat Mover: “You can contact the boss at 35 zelzol St. in the sewer.”
Agent 87: “Did you find out their headquarters?”
Agent 8: “Yes… In the sewer pipes. The boss is Ed-gorvitch and … now for the hard part… riding on the 8 bus during rush hour.’

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Agents 8 & 87 track down the rat Moving company

The Rat Moving Company and the UN are spying on Mankind for world control.

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Agent 8: “I’m going to disable their computer with a new program bacteria.’
Agent 87: “I detect a redioflux catolic signal.” Squirrels as poor porters.
Agent 8 spying at the rats: “get ready set to stun.”
“They won’t remember a thing.’ They stun the rats.
In the Rat Moving Company office, Agent 8: “There, I found the password.” ” Almost done.”
Agent 87: “Hurry up. Let’s go!”
Agent 8 and 87 on the Egged 8 bus.
Agent 8: “I sent the word to 2.”
Agent 87: “With all this work you’d think they’d give us a car! Those poor squirrels slave labor!”
Agent 8: “That should set those Rats back a while.”
Agent 87: “2 wanted us to check out that UN worker on Adam St. After that I want dinner.”
Agent 8: “he lives up in that apartment there.”
“This will allow us to listen into the apartments. Let’s see.”
Bug: “Miriam where’re the Metamucil? I can’t seem to go.”
Agent 8: “Not that Apt! Ha Ha.”
Bug: “I’m sick of those odd Rats- friends of yours coming here every night!”
Agent 8: “Apt. #8! We’ll have to return at night. I’ll bug their cars.” Next to the UN car.”I’ll put the mic under the dash.”
Agent 8 walking away with Agent 87, “H.Q. has got to give me a car. better cover at night.”
Agent 87 and Agent 2 next to a street cleaner, Agent 87: What! That’s a street cleaning vehicle!”
Agent 2: “it’s a great cover 8. and it’s all we have available.”

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A new immigrant family is shopping in the Shuk.

The Mystical Elect of the World and the Ham from ZOT.

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Mr. Whiskers: “don’t know what’s worse, N.S.A. using tracking devises on credit cars or Voltart Co’s RFID Chips sold in everything we buy..”
“I heard it on coast to Coast AM… on my filling – they put people in FEMA death camps..”
Sugar, Mr. Whiskers’ daughter: “Oh Daddy.”
Mr. & Mrs. Whiskers on the 8 bus, Mr. Whiskers: “The US State Department are using Dogs as spies now… What we need are a few good pit bulls here.”
At the Shuk, a Hamster is chasing a Cat, Mr. Whiskers: “What was That!” to Mrs. Whiskers.
Mr. Whiskers: “I know my vision is limited, but I saw & felt a hamster chasing a cat with glasses on.”
Mrs. Whiskers: “At the Shuk? You mean a cat chasing a mouse?”
Mr. Whiskers: “No a hamster chasing a cat with glasses on.”
Mrs. Whiskers: “Perhaps we need to go home now.”
Mr. Whiskers: “Hamster, it was a hamster.”
Mrs. Whiskers: “I think you need to go home. Mice casing cats.” ” You’re dehydrated, drink some water!’
Mr. Whiskers: “yes, Dear.”
Agent 8 thinking: ‘Man… I lost him maybe he went this way.’ to his cell phone: “listen. he had an amulet on him and he levitated a fish! I believe he’s a member of the ‘Mystical Elect of the World’! M.E.O.W.”
M.E.O.W. Operative QD Cat thinking: ‘That was close! A ZOT operative was chasing me.’
Operative QD Cat: “Operative QD calling in… I have the amulet. Beam me up!” The Cat disappears in a transporter beam.
At Mr. Whiskers home, Agent 71 in her cage (Mr. Whiskers Hamster) on her cell phone: “Zot Headquarters… Let me speak to 2, this is 71. yeah, Mr. Whiskers was talking about seeing a hamster chasing a cat at the Shuk today. You say that 8 was there today and saw a cat levitating a fish? For Real? I don’t know, maybe he should be here, locked up instead of me.”

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An immigrant family shops at teh local Supermarket.Just Google RFID Chips, Privacy, WalMart and Bank Credit Card Transaction.page 4
Next week; At Mr. Whiskers home, Agent 71 in her cage (Mr. Whiskers Hamster) on her cell phone: “Hello, HQ I need to talk to 2, or maybe 5, this is operative 71. Yes, yes, no, no but I’m really tired of this location. I need a change… and this cage needs to be changed!” “Aren’t I due for a vacation soon? Alright well yes Mr. Whiskers mentioned tracking devises placed in peoples credit cards. He’s been getting his info from his mercury fillings in his teeth. Id really like to go to South America some place warm. Well, talk to you tomorrow bye.”
Spice, Mr. Whiskers’ daughter: “Hi Mom – Did you buy Romen today?”
Sugar and Spice, Mr. Whiskers’ daughters, are fighting over who is to change Agent 71’s cage, Sugar: “You’re so inconsiderate.”Spice: “You’re so selfish.”
Sugar: “I’m so selfish, you haven’t changed hammy’s cage in weeks.”
Spice: ‘Then you do it.”
Agent 71: “It would be nice if someone changed my cage.”
Later; Mr. Whiskers and his wife are at the Super market.
Mr. Whiskers: “If I use this credit card, chances are National Security Agency will find out exactly what’s in our shopping cart.” “They’ll know exactly what cereal you buy. The Fat in our milk.”
“They’ll have on record that you bought chocolate spread every week!”
“They’ll know what stores we visit, how much money we spend, even create a data graph as to our every day movements.”
Mrs. Whiskers hands the Checkout Clerk a credit Card:”I didn’t bring cash.”
Mr. Whiskers: “Dear, now they’ll know everything we did today.”
At home, Mrs. Whiskers thinks: ‘This is too much.’
Mr. Whiskers: “It’s better to take out cash; We’ve got to use cash! How many times do I need to remind you… They’ll take us away.. Go right on…”
Mrs. Whiskers: “Dear, Change the hamster cage, It smells.”
Mr. Whiskers: “Yes, Dear.”
Agent 71: Finally, Thank heaven!”
How Mr. Whisker gets his information

besides the internet which is the real news source, we have Mr. Whisker’s tooth. Something out of the 1970’s SEARCH TV series.

Alien taking photos.
Mr. Whiskers looking at his filling, He thinks: “My filling is going on again.”
Filling: “The Federal Reserve banks have decided to increase inflation of American currency by 15% as they are desperate to pay off debts to Siamese Cats. Big Bankers Case Mice are the enemy of the working poor.”
Mr. Whiskers: “I wonder… if I should put all my money in an Israeli Bank?”
Agent 71: “Oh… They’re so rude though.”
Filling: “Chase Mice has bought off 4 more failing banks in the United States… only the “Big Cats” have survived this year’s banking crisis.”
Fat Cat Banker: “Buy Everything!”
Mr. Whiskers: “I’m thinking of having this darn filling remove.”
Mrs. Whiskers: “Well then go to the Dentist.”
Mr. Whiskers: “then I’d have to actually go to the Dentist.”
Mrs. Whiskers: “I guess you would.”
Agent 71listening to the Filling. Filling: “Laid off squirrels have been seen with picket signs at many businesses today… The unions won’t be satisfied until their demands at Bud’s Market be met. Picketers have been harassing those who dare to cross the line in the parking lots this morning.”
Agent 71: Oh my gosh…. I need to speak directly to 2,4, or 7… Mr. Whisker’s tooth has more to report… American currency inflation at 15%… debt to Siamese Cats. Big Cats Chase Mice banks… Squirrels on strike… Union demands.”
Spice, Mr. Whisker’s daughter: “Why is hammy making so much noise?”
Agent 71: “Eek Eek Squeek Squak.”
Mr. Whiskers: “Oh Well… at least it’s not in video.”

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The Ham The Ham from Zot Agent 8: “Hold!”Agent 87: “Good Morning 8.”

Agent 8: “Good Morning 87.”

Agent 2: “Morning, I have a new assignment for you both.”

Agent 2: “Please, sit down..we have made an exciting breakthrough with M.E.O.W. And we need you both to investigate further.”

Agent 2: “What we have discovered is a M.E.O.W. Operative we think is working at a store called, Mr. Cheaps Market by the Honey booth on Agripa Street. Your job is to observe and report daily activities.”

Agent 2: “I don’t have to tell you how important this is…any questions?”

Agent 8: “Ah the market…do you see anything feline?”

Agent 87: “Look!”

Agent 8: “I see it.”

page 2Agent 8: “I wonder if it’s a secret door or entrance? My tricorder doesn’t register anything beyond this.”Agent 87: “Oh, look out.”

Beauregard : Speaking with a strong Panhandle Texas accent, Beauregard offers, “May I help yoooouuuuuwww?”

Agent 8: His eyes pop,“Ah, yes just admiring your store….do you have any organic tahina?”

Beauregard : “Why yes sir, of couwwrse…this is our finest, grade A in 2 sizes.”

Agent 8: “Perhaps the smaller size.”

Agent 87: “I think we’re being watched, I got some good pictures, let’s go.”

Agent 8: “Do you think it was an entrance?”

Agent 87: “We could come back and observe, day and night, I’ll call H.Q.”

Beauregard: “Shalom yaaalll, yes this is Beauregard heeeere, I believe 2 Zot agents were in the stowwre.”

M.E.O.W. Operative Sapphire: “Yes…..thank you Beauregard, I believe they are agent 8 and 87 from Zot….seen them before…keep a watch out, they could prove dangerous, over and meowt.”

M.E.O.W. Operative Sapphire: “If those hamsters even find an agent or amulet they’ll never understand it all Ruby.

M.E.O.W. Operative Ruby: “They’re industrious yet haven’t the brain capacity. What I’m worried about is that they have discovered one of our terminals…we may have to relocate it…purrrhaps in the lady’s restroom. I don’t wish to have any undue attention drawn to our terminal. We may need to contact the (Outer Edge) for advise.”

 


Mother to her daughter Spice: “Ever since we’ve moved I have lost my identity, I’m suffering from memory loss… I’m in a downturn.”
“When I was young I’d be able to pet my cat… but I’m so allergic to them and we’re not allowed a cat or dog here.”
Agent 71(Mr. Whiskers Hamster): “Suddenly I feel discounted.”
The Daughters; Sugar and Spice: “Do you like Ulpan?”
Mother: “Sigh… the teacher started telling us that in Hebrew (Semitic languages) there’s no “am, is,and are” it doesn’t exist… and there’s no present.”
Agent 71: “No presents! Does this mean I don’t get anything for my birthday?”
Mother: “If people only think about the past and the future… then they miss out on the NOW. Could this be a key to the problems in the Middle East?”

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Agent 71 here… I need to report to 5.”
Agent 71: “Hello 5, some more key info.”
Agent 71: “The humans are starting to think the problems in the Middle East stem from no presents.”
Agent 5 hangs up the phone.
Agent 5 hands Agent 71’s report to Agent 2. Agent 2:”Perhaps Agent 71 does need that vacation… or therapy.”