Tag Archives: Aliyah – Jewish immigration to Israel

Tisha B’Av 2013 תשעה באב תשע”ג

On Tisha B’Av we have a choice of either the past or the future of Light and Joy, Gladness and Honor! Tisha B’Av 2013: The Children Are Ready II TEMPLE INSTITUTE It’s time to come home! Nefesh B’Nefesh: Live the Dream 1-866-4-ALIYAH   Don’t miss the excitement of the 3rd Temple. Click on the banner […]

Chanukah: Will Your Grandchild Be Jewish?

Happy Chanukah. So you think you are safe and secure in the Exile outside of Israel? Do you want Jewish Grandchildren? As of 2001 there was a 74% intermarriage rate in the American Jewish Communities. It is much higher now! Do you feel safe in Los Angeles, or New York with the storms, crime and […]

Learn Hebrew in 10 Day at Ulpan.

         

I really like the comics

In Mr. Whiskers’ kitchen, in Jerusalem, his two teen age new immigrant daughters from Los Angeles California, Spice, who is eating an apple, and Sugar, are sitting at the kitchen table reading the newspaper,which is in Hebrew. Their mother is thinking to herself ‘Oh, that’s nice seeing those two using their minds and reading’ Mother: […]

The Ham from ZOT: What’s wrong Mom?

Mother to her daughter Spice: “Ever since we’ve moved I have lost my identity, I’m suffering from memory loss… I’m in a downturn.” “When I was young I’d be able to pet my cat… but I’m so allergic to them and we’re not allowed a cat or dog here.” Agent 71(Mr. Whiskers Hamster): “Suddenly I […]

The Ham From Zot: Mr. Cheaps

The Ham The Ham from Zot Agent 8: “Hold!”Agent 87: “Good Morning 8.” Agent 8: “Good Morning 87.” Agent 2: “Morning, I have a new assignment for you both.” Agent 2: “Please, sit down..we have made an exciting breakthrough with M.E.O.W. And we need you both to investigate further.” Agent 2: “What we have discovered […]

A new violin teacher

Mother: “How was your music lesson Spice?” Spice: “Wow it was really great.” “My new teacher Gloria can speak English as she’s American and i understood everything.” Mother: “Yes, That’s important.” Spice: “We played duets and she gave me some music to learn.” “And the best part of the lesson was when I met Fredereck!” […]

Celestial Operator:Ultra Violet Grass Band

The Celestial Operator is a crystal ball which connects people to each other. similar to a video phone or Skype® or a galactic internet. Sugar: “what’s the matter Mom?” Mom: “I miss Alex and David.” Sugar: “Let’s use the iBall® (like an iPhone but for the galactic internet) again, he never answers the phone.” Sugar […]

Ulpan: The sign said: “Learn Hebrew in 10 Days.”

Mr. and Mrs. Whiskers are in the Hallway at Ulpan. Mrs. Whiskers is very mad. The sign said; “Learn Hebrew in 10 Days.” Mrs. Whiskers: “Here we are going to Ulpan and I’m the stupidest person in class… and a sign says learn Hebrew in 10 days.” Mr. Whiskers: “One day at a time. Yesterday […]

Buy locally and save.

A Yeshiva in Jerusalem, Men are studying. Somewhere in the world (China) a Siamese cat is taking an internet order: “You wish to purchase this product code # 389 269 5452 9 89… Tracking # 566 8666… And that will be $100 for extra shipping costs, insurance fees…. Taxes and currency exchange costs.” A Plane […]